Stop This World

Gracefully going from victim to survivor to servant leader in the heartland

Strange title, right?  In our society we celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and other important milestones.  But what about those awful anniversaries that we don’t want to celebrate but still mark an important moment in time?  October 19th  & 20th are those days for me.  I definitely don’t celebrate the dates that I was raped and then endured the process of realizing what happened, but I try to take a moment on these days to quiet my mind and reflect.

My world as I knew it changed forever on October 19th, 2014.  When I left my apartment to go to church that morning I had no idea that within 24 hours I would be blacked out, taken to a different state, raped and left in a strange apartment.

I marked the 1-year traumaversary by taking the days off of work.  I hadn’t anticipated on it because I figured that I could suck it up and work those days.  No big deal, right.  Nobody needs to know that I am secretly struggling.  I am so glad that I listened to my soul and took those days off.  I walked the streets of Old Town Alexandria and finally took the step to go and talk to someone about a support group in town.  I remember timidly going to the office, asking about support groups and telling the social worker that it was the one-year mark of my assault.  She asked if I was okay and I lied and said that I was fine.  I knew in my heart that I was lying and within 2 minutes I was in tears.  I was not okay and I needed more help.

Some other years the traumaversary has happened to be  during one of my favorite events of the whole year, the National FFA Convention.  There is nowhere on earth that will make you feel more optimistic about the future than attending this convention with 60,000 youth.  I was fortunate in that my dear friend Marty was with me several of those years to keep an eye on me, be my encourager and coordinate a group of friends to send me flowers.

Last year at this time I was scared out of my mind.  Why?  Because I really didn’t know what was going to happen with this blog.  I was going so far out on a limb that I didn’t know what to expect.  Would people believe me?  Would they care?  Would they say I was overreacting?

Fortunately, starting this blog has been the best thing that I have done in the past year.  October 19, 2017 marks a distinct moment in time where I took another bold step in reclaiming my life.

Today, I’m happy to say that I have a new job that I started this week and this year on October 19th I am happily working from my home office doing work that I enjoy.  Tomorrow, I plan on laying low and reflecting on all my blessings and how I can continue to help people experiencing trauma, depression, anxiety, PTSD & sexual assault.

Thank you for allowing me to share my story with you and I look forward to shedding more light on this road to recovery.  Please continue to share this blog with others.

Here is my first blog post from last year where it all started:

An Untold Story Never Heals


Do me a favor and go do something positive for somebody else today.  I want October 19th & 20th to be days to remember because of positive works & deeds.


I know that I share some inspirational music on here, especially Christian music, but today I want to share with you some lyrics that really hit home for me right now from the band the Foo Fighters.  Raw rock & roll, but still great lyrics for where I’m at right now.  I saw them in concert last night and I was screaming these lyrics along with the band.


A million miles away
Your signal in the distance
To whom it may concern
I think I lost my way
Getting good at starting over
Every time that I return
Learning to walk again
I believe I’ve waited long enough
Where do I begin?
Learning to talk again
Can’t you see I’ve waited long enough?
Where do I begin?



One thought on “Traumaversary

  1. Lori Beckel says:

    What can I say? I feel for you. It’s like me being diagnosed with Parkinson’s 6 years ago and at the same time diagnosed with being a diabetic. I had a hard time accepting the truth and just cried until I couldn’t any more. What was really hard, was when people would say, Im so sorry to hear that. I don’t like to have people feel sorry for me. Parkinsons has really changed my life. I try to make the best of every day. Had a knee replacement a year ago and still recovering. The last 2 -4 months I’m dealing with pulled hamstrings, burcitis and muscle spasms in all the left leg and hip. Next week I’ll be doing pt on my low back cause I’ve ended up with bad low back pain causing legs to ache really bad. If that don’t work, will get injections. Just got done with pt to be able to walk again. So have had cortisone shot, on pain pills and lidocaine patch’s.
    It sucks to get old. Hope that as the days go by for you and me, we can both get stronger and better.
    Thanks for letting me share my story with you.
    I believe that sharing our stories will help with the healing of our bodies.

    Lori Beckel


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