Stop This World

“Once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain – when you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in.” -H. Murakami

I had a completely different post schedule for today, the one-year mark of when I faced my rapist for sentencing and read my victim impact statement. Then, the quote above popped up on a support group I participate in and it was just perfect for today.

I’ve had several people comment over the past year say that they couldn’t have survived what I went through. How did I do it? Well, I simply had no other choice. I had to keep on living somehow. You decide to live with the struggle and try your hardest. Some days trying your hardest is simply getting out of bed and showering. Some days it is facing your rapist. Some days you cry in your apartment and other days you laugh with your friends. Somehow, you keep on living and hoping for things to get better.

I hesitate to say that the ‘storm’ is over. It scares me because I feel like the minute I say that, something awful will pop up again. I need to get over that fear and learn to appreciate every day and not be scared. I’ve been through one hell of a storm and I’m appreciating the calmness that comes at the end of a storm.

A year ago my friends drove me to the courthouse to confront my rapist. Today, I’m with my aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, sister & niece looking out on a beautiful lake. A lot changes in a year and I’m excited for what the next year brings.

June 29th will always be a significant date in my life because it was the day I found my voice again. The day I finally had my say in the whole ordeal. June 29th is and will continue to be a day of reflection and celebration remembering all that I have gone through. Only by God’s grace & mercy am I able to be here today laughing with my family and feeling good.

So, here’s to one year of taking my life back!

To read my victim impact statement, you can go to this previous post:  https://stopthisworld.com/2018/01/

-J.Lynn